____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
