If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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