"it" just moved
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
