How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
