She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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