You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
