Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I love you. Go after that dick
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
