i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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