Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
