will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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