i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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