Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am available for nakedness
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
