True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
