I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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