Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
