dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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