: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
