I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
