you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
