OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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