Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
