i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
