If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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