im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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