I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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