Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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