good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
ok first of all what the fuck
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
