White coat. Heels.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
