i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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