i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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