i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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