If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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