Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
