Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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