My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
