This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
