At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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