Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
