So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
