I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
