genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize