Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
