Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
