You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
