take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
