we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
