This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
