Soap is not a condiment
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
