How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
