we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
