well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
