the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
