She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
