I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
