If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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