so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
