Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
