I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
