he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
