fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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