No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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