I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
