You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
