Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
