Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize