Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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