I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
