why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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