i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
