the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
