We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
