I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
