Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We got so high we made milksteak
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
